SONG: # Cue the pulse to begin
# Cue the pulse to begin
# Cue the pulse to begin. #
(Men grunt with exertion) CUTLERY CLATTERS
(Both grunt with exertion)
Oh, yeah. Fuck.
Oh, yeah. Come here.
Come here, come here, come here.
Yeah...yeah, come here. Yeah.
(Grunts with exertion)
Yeah. Oh, that feel...
That feel good, baby?
Yeah. That's it. Right there. Don't stop.
DOORBELL RINGS
Right there. Don't stop. Just...don't stop.
Just... Arggh!
Keep going. I'm coming. Arggh! Yeah!
Oh! Oh, fuck! DOORBELL RINGS IMPATIENTLY
Oh...I'm coming.
(Yells to the door) I'm coming!
That's it. Come on. Oh, yeah. Come on!
Oh...oh...OH!
Hello, sir.
I'm Charlotte and this is Amanda,
and we're here to talk to you about Proposition 14.
Are you aware of it? Yes, I'm aware of it.
Good, then we needn't tell you how important it these days
to protect the holy bonds of matrimony and the American family.
Isn't that the God's honest truth?
Are you married? I most certainly am.
In that case, we would love to speak with you and your wife.
Honey, there are some very sweet ladies here
urging us to support Proposition 14.
Do you have children? A son and a daughter.
Oh, that's wonderful. (Laughs)
(Laughs) Good afternoon, ladies.
This is my lawfully wedded husband.
And this is MY lawfully wedded husband.
And we are going to do everything in our power
to defeat Proposition 14.
I see. (Clears throat) OK.
Well. Good afternoon, then.
Hey, thanks for stopping by. We'll be sure to vote.
Bye-bye.
I caught that.
Caught what?
That subtle exchange of smiles that can indicate only one thing.
"Is your ass is as sore as mine?"
BRIAN: Fucking Christ, Theodore,
is there anyone in this burg you haven't boned
since your extreme makeover?
Well, let's just say that if they don't get a fresh supply in soon,
I'll be forced to move to Philadelphia.
You know, I always used to wonder what it would be like
to have any guy I wanted - now I know.
And?
And, it's, um...great.
Hey, look who it is! Michael!
Hey, Teddy.
Hey, Em. Hi, sweetie.
Well, if you boys will excuse me, I have to get back to work.
Yeah...I've got to get back to the store.
Busy day?
Yeah, this comic book collection that I bought off eBay just arrived.
It's going to take me weeks to inspect and grade them.
Well, better have something to eat. What'll it be?
I think I'll have...
Are you and Brian ever going to talk to each other again?
Ma... Michael!
You've been friends - brothers - since you were kids.
You love each other.
You're going to let a lifetime of fucking history go down the drain
'cause of some childish disagreement?
And believe me, I know what I'm talking about.
It's not childish, and it's not just a disagreement.
He disrespects every choice I have made.
He mocks me for wanting a family and home.
He calls me a defector.
He even blames me for his and Justin's break-up.
He says I infected him.
Well, he can think whatever he wants and call me whatever he pleases.
It really doesn't matter anymore.
I'll have the tuna fish on whole-wheat with a lemon bar.
Hold the remarks.
We're going door-to-door today to try and get people to listen.
A lot of them may not want to,
so don't be discouraged if you get doors slammed in your face.
Just be courteous, make your point succinctly,
and whatever you do, do not engage.
That means don't lose your fucking temper and shoot off your big mouth.
CHUCKLING Heh...exactly. Good luck.
Ready? Yeah.
I hope they don't come out swinging -
not with the fortune I just spent on my face.
What a lovely face it is too. You must get lots of compliments.
I've been getting more than that. (Chuckles lasciviously)
To tell you the truth... something's missing.
Love? Commitment?
Yeah, something like that. What you need is a husband.
Yeah! (Scoffs) First I need a boyfriend.
But that won't be easy.
My standards are ridiculously high.
I want someone who's financially secure, with a face like Brad Pitt,
a body like Brad Pitt, and hung like...
..well, just hung.
That's not so ridiculous. It's absurd.
Listen, if you really want to get hitched, you need a Jewish guy.
They make the best marriage material.
They do? Yeah.
Provided you can get past the incestuous relationship
they have with their mothers that lasts beyond the grave.
Good afternoon, sir. We're here to talk to you about Proposition 14.
We'll only take a minute of your time.
Or less.
Well.
It may not be easy, but at least it gets you out of the house.
That's what Michael said.
Keeping busy would take my mind off Hunter.
So far it hasn't helped. Give it time.
How much time? A lifetime?
'Cause that's how long it'll take for me to forget about him.
Oh, hi. What can I do for you folks?
We'd like to talk to you about Proposition 14.
It's very important that you vote no.
Oh, why is that, son?
If it passes, gay men and women will lose the same rights
that other Americans have.
And who's to say what's next?
The elderly could lose their social security.
Women could lose their right to have an abortion.
I see your point. You've got my vote.
WOMAN: Dad, who's at the door?
Hello.
We were just talking to your father about voting no for Proposition 14.
My father hasn't voted in 10 years.
He has Alzheimer's.
Come on, Dad.
Trust me, Jim.
Look, why don't we have lunch tomorrow?
I'll ply you with martinis
and I guarantee you will see things my way.
Oh.
Feldon's losing his hard-on for the new Home Station ad.
Well, you have to admit, it's a bit suggestive.
You also have to admit it's genius.
Listen, how about coming with me to Beth Emanuel's mixer?
Who's she?
It's a temple.
They're having their monthly gay get-together at Woody's,
and I want to meet a mensch.
Settle down.
Christ!
Am I the only fag who doesn't want to put a trousseau together
and walk down the aisle?
Listen, I'm not getting any younger.
I'll be 35 this... 9.
What? 39.
Uh...
I'm your employer.
There's a paper trail.
Why don't you ask Justin?
Rumour has it he's hot for a hubby.
Just thought I'd ask.
There are many uncertainties in this life, Theodore,
many...mysteries beyond our comprehension.
But one thing I know for a fact -
I will never be Mrs Seymour Goldfarb.
I wish we'd been able to convince more people.
Well, the important thing is we keep on trying, huh?
Oh...uh...
Am I late?
No. We just got here ourselves.
Who's he?
We'll talk later. Wha...?
Hi. Hi.
Keep up the good work, honey!
Have you seen a letter signed by Judge Salzman?
Hmm...
I wonder how it got into my pile.
Beats me.
You didn't happen to see an invoice
from the Resnick Gallery in New York, did you?
Oh. It's right here.
Must've gotten mixed up with my stuff by mistake.
What's this?
Oh, that's a piece Justin has in the art show.
Wait till you see it.
You are coming to the opening, aren't you?
Actually, I'm supposed to go out with, uh...
Corinne.
Mel, you don't have to hide it.
That's our arrangement - you have your life, I have mine.
I know, but I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. It's your show.
That's right, it's my show, and I'm inviting you.
And Corinne.
Are you sure? I'm fine with it. Really.
(Sighs) Now, what have I done with Untitled I and II?
It's right here under Newcombe v. Budge.
DOG BARKS, EXCITED HUBBUB
What do you think?
Oh, a giraffe! Isn't that cute, huh?
It's a swan.
Oh. I can see that...kinda.
It's for my next segment. They want something cute.
There are a couple of reporters camped out the front.
Shit!
Look at this - they took an old photograph of me
and made it look like I'm in Babylon.
I've never even been to Babylon.
You know, last week they put poor Liza's head
on the body of a 400lb woman.
They said she was too fat to get out of bed.
You can't let that trash get to you.
Besides, it'll all stop once you come out.
You're going to come out?
When?! Huh? When, honey?
I haven't decided yet.
Well, I say Larry King.
I mean, if it was me, I'd definitely come out to Larry.
I mean, you know, of course,
however you decide to do it, it has to be your way.
Yeah, Deb's right - you got to do it on your own terms.
Oh. You got some sauce on your chin, baby.
That was my swan.
It was a giraffe, honey. (Chuckles) Try again.
You know, I've got one hell of a nerve.
I'm sitting here like some fucking eunuch,
making animals out of napkins
to delight the guests at your next dinner party,
and I'm telling YOU how to be out and proud.
It's a funny story how we met. (Laughs)
I'm always up for a laugh.
Well, I-I was dropping Molly off at school,
when, wouldn't you know, I get a flat.
Just then, this motorcycle comes roaring up
and this guy dressed all in black asks me if I want help.
Well, I had taken that night class in car maintenance
after your father left,
but I...I was on my way to an open house.
I didn't want to show up looking like a...grease monkey... (Laughs)
..so I said yes, and it turned out to be Tuck.
'Tuck'? It's short for 'Tucker'.
He teaches eighth-grade science at Molly's school. (Chuckles)
Wow. My sides are splitting.
So...we got to chatting.
He asked me if I wanted to go out some night for a coffee...
Coffee? Aren't his parents afraid it might stunt his growth?
Do you want to hear this or not?
(Clears throat)
Well, I figured, what the hell?
It beats sitting at home, reading 'How to Survive a Divorce',
so I said yes.
And...the rest is history.
For him, modern. For you, ancient.
I take it you don't approve.
I suppose a woman of your age is allowed to have a little fling...
..provided it's discreet.
Well, actually, it's... it's more than a little fling.
We've been seeing each other for six months.
For six months? And you never said anything?
What was the point until I was sure it was serious?
Serious?
You are NOT serious. He's one-third your age.
Half. Fine. Half. He's half your age.
He's still young enough to be your s...
I don't even want to say it.
And I don't want to hear it.
Especially from you.
JAZZ PLAYS
KNOCK AT DOOR
You alone?
One of those rare unexpected moments.
Ah.
So much...for the moment.
That Thelonious?
That, er...tuna macaroni casserole?
You got it.
I don't want it.
Tuna casserole means that we're going to get stoned
and have a very meaningful conversation.
Unfortunately, I just finished my last joint.
Well, fortunately... (Chuckles)
..I brought one with me.
Does Detective Horvath know that his blushing bride is a pothead?
Nothing kills a good relationship faster than full disclosure.
Give me some of that.
I don't like the way you've been treating Michael.
Butt the fuck out.
You've been on his case
ever since he and Ben bought that house together.
He didn't just buy a house.
He bought the slicer and the dicer...
..the Ginsu knives, the abs roller, the juicer.
The 'Top 100 Hits of the '60s' - not available at any store.
In short, every lie, every con...
..every...colour, shape and size of bullshit
the straight world has to offer.
He fell in love.
He got married.
He got a family.
You know -
everything he's ever wanted since he was a kid.
A normal home. (Laughs)
What? (Laughs)
Why do you have such a problem with that?
I'll tell you why.
You don't.
Your problem is...
..he left you.
He left you and he moved on.
Only he didn't.
You and he just made different choices, that's all.
Doesn't mean that you don't still love each other.
He won't talk to me.
Then you talk to him.
The money behind it is unbelievable.
Not just wealthy conservatives, but big corporations.
Ben says we should boycott them.
Yeah, before they take that right away from us too.
Sorry to sound like such an alarmist,
but these days I feel like I'm living in Nazi Germany.
Like we're the new Jews. Oh, come on, Mel.
Don't you think that's going a bit far?
Listen, my seide - my grandfather -
used to tell me everybody thought he was nuts for leaving Germany.
(Yiddish accent) "You're making too much of it.
"It'll pass. That'll never happen here."
He died at the age of 87.
The rest of his family died in camps.
Well, what are we supposed to do - pack up and move to Paris?
Well, last time I heard, they had a gay mayor.
Listen, I'm going to grab this cab.
OK. Oh! (Laughs)
Aw! 'Bye, sweetheart. Oh, Mel!
I meant her. You too!
Can you take me to, er...
ALARM RINGS
Nothing was stolen?
Not that I can tell.
All I can say is thank God no-one was hurt.
I'll need you to file a report.
Then what? We'll investigate.
But with this kind of vandalism,
it's usually pretty difficult to come up with anything.
That's all you think it was - vandalism?
Well, what else? Probably just some kid trying to steal a comic book.
What if it wasn't?
What if they were trying to destroy that -
two gay superheroes getting married?
Look, I know what you're suggesting,
but there's no evidence of any hate crime.
Hate crime?
I appreciate your concern,
but in all honesty, I think you're getting a bit carried away.
That's funny.
I just accused Mel of the same thing.
Remember, men, a smartly folded napkin
will add a touch of class to your table setting
and be certain to charm your lady friend.
And who knows?
After dinner she might even... let you...
..show her how to make one of these.
I'm Emmett Honeycutt, your Queer Guy, here to make your life more fabulous.
Thanks, Queer Guy, and that's the news.
We'll see you tomorrow at six.
Until then, hope all your news is good news.
MAN: And we're out.
Cute segment, Emmett.
By the way, I've got some good news for you.
Management is thinking about doing a Queer Guy special.
Now, here's the concept.
You prepare and serve a gourmet dinner to a hot straight couple.
Oh...perfect.
And after, they can fuck while I do the dishes.
(Laughs)
Hey, Don? You wouldn't believe who I just spoke to.
Who? Drew Boyd.
He wants to give me an exclusive interview
about the allegations that he's a fag.
Jesus Christ! Our ratings are going to go through the roof.
Watch out, Channel Seven! Man, they'll be yesterday's news.
Can I get a cranberry juice and sparkling water?
Oh! Oh, sorry. It's OK.
I'll have your sweater cleaned.
Don't worry about the sweater.
I'll have another drink, though.
Yeah, yeah. Of course, of course. Er...what were you...?
Diet Pepsi.
You don't drink?
Maybe a glass of wine on occasion - holidays - but that's about it.
Uh...Ted Schmidt. Shalom.
Adam Bernstein. Shalom.
And, uh...nice to meet you too.
So, what do you do for a living?
Well, I work at this ad agency.
I do a lot of things, but mostly I'm an accountant.
An accountant? My brother's an accountant.
Maybe you've heard of him. Mark Bernstein.
Yeah, I think I know several. (Chuckles)
What about you? Neurologist.
A doctor!
Well. My mother would be thrilled.
So, uh...what else do you do?
I mean, besides examining guy's prostates?
I'm a tennis freak. I mean, I got a hell of a backhand.
I'll bet you do.
Do you like opera?
I hate it.
But I love ballet.
Men in tights - how can you go wrong, right?
Right. I got season's tickets.
What do you say we go sometime?
You mean a pas de deux? I'd love to.
But then...why wait until 'Giselle' rolls into town?
Huh?
Hey, I just put one of those on the front lawn.
Yeah, and I just took it out.
What?
Aren't we doing enough? Canvassing and volunteering?
Do we really need this too?
It's a sign of solidarity. Support.
Besides, practically everyone's house on the block has one,
including the Iamontes.
Good for them. They can also wear pink triangles on their sleeves.
No reason to get yourself so worked up.
Actually, there is. I've already been a target.
Carl said there's no evidence of that.
Look, I know what happened at the shop was upsetting,
but let's try and stay level-headed.
Well, fine.
We'll see how level-headed you feel
when they round us all up and take us off to the camps.
Oh, right.
If you don't want it on the front lawn,
we won't put it on the front lawn.
Look, I know you think I'm being ridiculous,
but...I would hate for something terrible to happen
just because we didn't pay attention to the warnings.
We'll have more scores at 11:00,
but right now we've got a special guest in the studio with us.
Star quarterback for the Ironmen and two-time MVP Drew Boyd.
Great to have you here, Drew. Thanks, Bud.
Well, Drew, you'd have to be living on the moon
not to know what's been happening with you these days.
I'm talking about these sex allegations - "Boyd likes boys."
Its been a very difficult time for me, Bud, as you can imagine.
But I feel as though the sooner that I address this issue,
the sooner I can get on with my life.
Let me just say that we've known each other
for how long now - 15 years?
Mmm.
We started out playing ball together,
I have always thought of you not only as an outstanding athlete
but as a man's man.
So...why don't we put all these rumours to rest right now?
First of all, I would like to say that most of those stories
are out-and-out lies - total exaggerations.
I'm sure that's a relief for your millions of fans.
But if you're asking me if I'm gay...
..the answer is yes.
(Chuckles) I don't believe it!
You're saying a guy like you...?
Yeah. A guy like me.
I can't even picture you kissing another guy - not like him.
Excuse me?!
Actually, Bud, it was your Queer Guy, Emmett Honeycutt,
who helped me to find the courage not just to be "a man's man"...
..but to be my own man.
And I'd like to thank him.
We'll be back in a minute.
MAN: And we're out.
EXCITED HUBBUB
Justin, I'd like you to meet Simon Caswell.
He's the critic from the 'Art Forum' magazine.
Hello.
Lindsay is always trying to convince me to come to Pittsburgh.
I tell her Warhol's it, but this time I could be wrong.
Your work has a surprising intensity to it.
Especially for someone so young.
What made you want to be an artist?
It was that or be a mass murderer.
(Laughs) That's very amusing.
I'll be in touch.
Did you hear what he said?
Remember this moment.
What for? He's a cunt.
A very influential cunt. A cunt's a cunt.
From the way everyone's talking,
this might as well be a one-man show.
I had no idea you were so talented.
Thank you.
Corinne, you remember... Lindsay.
I'm really enjoying the show.
I'm delighted you could come.
I need a refill. Catch you later. 'Bye.
Are you sure you're OK with all of this?
Well, what other choice do I have? My other career choice.
Art openings are always such gay occasions.
Mmm. Especially now that you're here.
I wasn't sure you'd come. Neither was I.
That it? Do you like it?
If I did, would that make it good?
No.
Would it make you like it more or less?
No. Would it make you rich?
No.
Then why do you give a shit what I think?
I think it's exquisite.
You should be very proud.
It's been a long time since I fucked an artsy type.
Let me guess.
You don't know art, but you know what you like?
I like Magritte, Cezanne and Johns.
Hmm.
I did go to college.
And I also like your stuff.
You also like my mother.
Yes, I do.
Don't you have one of your own?
That's not why I like her.
I like her because she's...
..beautiful... (Sighs)
..intelligent, sexy.
Have you fucked her?
I don't think that concerns you.
As they say, 25 goes into 50 a lot more than 50 goes into 25.
Except in your case.
(Chuckles)
Although to be fair, he's not quite that old, is he?
She's an adult. So am I.
She's free to love whoever she pleases
without her child's approval.
I'm her son. And I'm an adult.
OK. Then act like one.
Who knew there were so many hot Jewish men in the world?
Jesus Christ! You already sound like Yentl.
Dr and Mrs Adam Bernstein. How's that sound?
Mazel tov.
Can I borrow you for a moment?
I was in the middle of a conversation.
Yeah, well, Theodore can regale you with his tales of the yeshiva later.
Well, what is it?
I just wanted you to know
that if it makes you happy being a Stepford fag,
then I say...go for it.
Be the biggest Stepford fag in the world. It's fine with me.
What's that supposed to be, an apology?
I mean it.
Aren't you afraid I'm going to infect you?
Look, just because we've been friends our whole lives
doesn't mean we have to stay friends.
Especially since we no longer have anything in common.
So, why don't we just admit that the Brian and Mikey Show is over
and get on with our lives?
Scotch?
Well, I don't usually like my drinks straight, but...
Sorry I got you fired.
Hmm...I may have lost my job,
but after our screen kiss,
at least no-one can say I'm sexless.
(Chuckles) Thanks to me.
Yeah! Whatever possessed you?
It's the first rule of the game.
Always protect your team-mates.
And since we now play for the same team,
I was covering your ass.
And paying back Raymond Oswald.
He was this kid in high school.
Effeminate. Total fag.
I know the type. (Chuckles)
My buddies and I made his life miserable.
Taunted him. Beat him until he cried.
He finally transferred to another school.
I always felt...
..awful...
..for what I did to him.
Because secretly I knew,
even though he and I may have been different on the outside,
on the inside, we were the same.
So I guess you could say you're my atonement
for what I did to Raymond Oswald.
My hero.
So, now that you're finally out, how do you feel?
Horny.
Oh!
(Emmett laughs)
I love football!
(Gasps) SHIT!
You want to wake the children?
(Laughs) I'm sure I woke the dead.
You scared the fucking crap out of me!
Sorry.
What are you, uh, sitting in the dark for?
I felt like it.
Any more cocoa? I just made enough for me.
It's after 3:00.
Yeah, I got tied up.
Oh. Satin or leather?
Talking.
I don't need to explain, make excuses or apologise.
Those are the rules.
That we both agreed to. Did you forget you had a family?
Well...you're here.
I came home right after the show.
Which was great, by the way. We both enjoyed it.
I'm so glad.
Listen, next time I promise I'll call, OK?
I wouldn't worry about next time.
This whole in-house separation isn't working. At least, not for me.
It's for people who are obviously more sophisticated -
or heartless - than I am.
So, what do you suggest?
That we sell the house.
Get two separate places.
Sell the house?
Why should you live here while I'm in some crummy apartment?
We're not selling the house. Then YOU move out.
Fine. You want to sell the house?
Divide everything up fifty-fifty?
What about this vase? Don't make fun of me.
Who was making fun? It's yours.
You sure? I gave it to you.
Remember? For one of our anniversaries?
Well, I don't want it.
Yeah? Neither do I.
Why did you do that? One less thing to wrap and move.
Then why don't we get rid of...this?
That's my mother's Depressionware candy dish.
It's about to get more depressed.
You... Give it to me!
Hands off me!
SMASH!
Goddamn you! Goddamn you!
(Both grunt)
You bitch!
Oh! Arggh!
(Both grunt)
Oh...oh! Oh!
Oh...oh! (Breathes heavily)
(Both moan ecstatically)
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
(Both grunt with exertion)
(Breathes heavily) (Moans)
I don't care if you're the next Picasso.
That does not give you the right to be rude.
How was I rude?
I only asked him a few questions.
Like if he's fucking me?!
More coffee? No, thank you.
I'll have some.
Thank you.
What kind of a question was that?
I was merely looking out for your best interests.
You don't think that maybe you were feeling threatened
because there's another man in my life?
I was not feeling threatened.
Honey, Tucker is the first man I've gone out with
since your father left me.
That's a long time.
Don't you think I'm entitled to be with someone?
Someone appropriate.
Someone your own age.
Oh! That's really funny, coming from you.
Mom, I was 17.
You're...
You're my mother. You should know better.
You know, when you first started seeing Brian,
I admit I had trouble - a lot of trouble.
But eventually I realised
that if he made you happy, was good to you,
that's all that really mattered.
Well, now it's your turn. Hmm?
MAN: This is not a time for complacency or silence.
The battle lines have been drawn.
It's up to every American to declare which side they're on.
The side that recognises homosexuality
as an acceptable lifestyle
and wants to reward their deviant behaviour
by giving them the most sacred right that a man and woman have -
the right to marry...
Do you hear what he's saying?
..or the side that is determined to uphold the values
on which this great Christian country was founded...
When did we become a Christian country?
..to defend the family and to protect our children.
Why do they always make it on family and children?
Like, gay people don't have families and children, too?!
Maybe we should punch his fucking lights out.
That's not how we get our message across - by starting fights.
WOMAN: Please vote for Proposition 14.
I have this thing for Sichuan beef.
Oh, me too. Love it.
Can't get enough of it.
What else can't you get enough of?
That.
You know, I never put too much stock in those mixers at Woody's.
I mainly went to confirm my conviction
that nothing would ever come of it.
That is so pessimistic.
It's not pessimistic, it's, uh... it's Jewish.
Huh.
But this time it worked out.
For me too.
Mind if I ask you a personal question?
Do I ever have sex on the first date? Mmm. How'd you guess?
Depends how it goes.
How would you say this is going?
Ah!
(Breathes heavily)
Everything alright down there?
Frankly, no.
What's wrong?
You're not Jewish.
I never said I was.
But you were at the mixer.
I wanted to meet a nice Jewish guy.
So did I.
Oh...well...look, I mean...
Why let a little thing like my not being Jewish
ruin what could be a beautiful relationship?
Because I want a Jewish husband.
I want to settle down, carry on traditions, heritage.
Well, I-I'll have the surgery. Uh...more surgery.
Uh, I'll, uh...I'll convert.
Huh? Elizabeth Taylor did it. Marilyn Monroe. Sammy Davis Jr...
Look.
You're a nice guy, Ted.
You're just not a nice Jewish guy.
Uh...
Hey, Deb, listen to this.
"And then the unthinkable happened.
"Drew Boyd, hero to millions of fans,
"planted one on Channel Five's Queer Guy.
"It was the kiss heard round the world.
"The question is, now what?
"Will Mr Boyd still be called a hero,
"or will he be called a lot of less flattering things?
"It doesn't really matter.
"What matters is Drew Boyd has scored a touchdown
"for personal courage and honesty."
Yes!
REPORTERS CLAMOUR
CARL: Will you let the man in through?!
I'm sorry about this. It's not your fault, honey.
Do they have to trample my fucking rose bed?!
Well, wait till you read this.
You're going to be so proud.
I've been suspended.
What?
Why?!
You weren't driving drunk.
You didn't rape anybody. You weren't making illegal bets.
All you did was... Deb!
What? We know what he did.
My coach says it's for my own good.
In case my team-mates try to injure me.
I thought you were supposed to look out for each other.
So did I.
You're being awfully diligent.
It's our home.
I want everything to be perfect.
You're in it. That's perfect enough for me.
That is the most cloyingly sentimental remark
I have every heard.
I'd throw up if I didn't love every word of it.
Aw. Come on in. It's cold.
Wait. Hold on.
I've just got to do one last thing.
There.
Surprised to see you here.
I wanted to ask you a question.
Why did you apologise?
I guess I miss you.
You still love me?
Always have.
Always will.
So do I.
I said, you look like you need a friend to talk to. So do I.
Is there a hotline for that?
In a pinch, you'll do.
My date was a bust.
What went wrong?
You could say I didn't make the cut.
You'll live.
Gee, I don't know how you do it.
You always know the right thing to say.
Get you a drink?
That's very thoughtful of you, Theodore.
Don't mind if I do.
Get yourself one of those girlie things you like so much.
On me.
Thanks, Bri.
Anything...
..for a friend.